Thinking, writing, reading. Cold, dry, stale air. Fluorescent lighting. Cement walls. Computer screens. Flat lifeless pictures of life. Ideas about life. Talking, talking, talking. I am evolving. We are the superior species. I am climbing the ladder of success………stop……..death is here…….silence…….my brain shuts off.
I am surrounded by sorrow and darkness. Nothing is clear. But it’s real. So real and alive. I can taste it, touch it, smell it. It is happening now. The life I worked so diligently for, so purposefully for, becomes obsolete and Insignificant when placed in the shadow of death. I sit in the emptiness and breath. My heart is open. More open then its ever been. My chest is bursting with feelings. Feelings…..what is that. indescribable. Unlearn-able. heart space, not head space. I am turning evolution around on itself. I am going backwards. Back to the primal state. How do you get there?
I thrust my hands into the pliable earth. The very earth that used death to nurture and give life to this very tree I am about to climb. Where’d my shoes go?
I am grounded. The tree bark is rough on my soft hands. But it feels so natural. This sweet mango I am eating was born from this tree and will eventually give life back to this tree through the soil. The wind comes from nowhere. Seeds are spread. New life is near. The sun warms my clammy skin and turns the night into dawn. Its a new day. Its a new life. What happened yesterday? I don’t know. I don’t care. It’s just a memory now. This moment is the only thing that is real. And in this moment, I am alive.
The ocean awaits me. In nature, the death of one animal feeds another animal. The death of one plant feeds another plant. The death of animals feeds plants and the death of plants feeds animals. Therefore, with out death, there would be no life. I could choose to see death as a negative, or I could choose to see it as the basis for life. Why is it that many people change drastically at a spiritual level or even believe they have found the purpose to life after experiencing the death of a loved one? I believe it is because the intrinsic recycling nature of the universe does not stop at the physical. We can use this darkness, this death, to bring life. Don’t let this death rot away uselessly in the dark. Let it turn into the rich soil it was meant for. Allow light to shine in. Then new life can be born.
About Kwang Mae Cho
Kwang Mae, lives on Kashi Ashram where she leads the green initiative Sustainable Kashi, with her brother Soo Se Cho.